Don't tell me you don't feel it too
by fearlessxx
Summary: Robin struggles with her confession she's been keeping from him all this time.


He hears a knock at his door. He checks his alarm clock, 4:20 A.M. He groans silently, and looks over at his fiancé, who is breathing slowly and steadily; fast asleep. He slides on his slippers and shifts out the bedroom door, the sound of crickets can still be heard from outside. He closes his eyes for a brief second before opening the door, pondering the thought of who could possibly want his attention at this hour, especially right before his wedding day, but he takes a breath and turns the handle, only to discover the woman in his dream just seconds ago appearing right before him. He freezes and breathes her name, "Robin."

Her features indicate that she hasn't gotten sleep tonight, her hands are shaky and her breathing is unstable. He almost continues when suddenly she places a finger to his lips and blurts, "Just listen to me." His eyes expand far wider than he had intended, unprepared for the touch of her fingertips. He silences his voice and waits patiently for her to continue.

She gathers up her strength and proceeds, "Barney, for the past seven years that I've known you, I would have never believed that you would possibly settle down and marry someone. I also never believed that I would fall in love with you, well I was wrong. I guess you could say I don't believe in many things..." Barney smiles at this as she continues, "When we first dated, we had no idea what we were doing. We were idiots, and we didn't care. But there was a reason why you gained so much weight when we were together and that was because you hated commitment. You hated being tied down like that, Right?" He nods his head, unaware of the point of these flashbacks, but he lets her continue,

"Well, why didn't you do any of those things with Nora? Or Quinn? Was I not good enough for you? Was I such a terrible girlfriend that you had to turn to food to get away from me? And it hurt much worse when you had no reaction at all to the breakup. I cried my eyes out for weeks, while you spent your nights with random women. You really hurt me Barney, you really, truly did." She stops for a second to regroup herself. He waits patiently. "We went our separate ways for awhile, until I realized that I was starting to get feelings for you again, so I decided to try my best and push those feelings away by setting you up with Nora so that I could get over you. You guys dated for a short while and I was okay with that, but while you were broken up with her and we were strolling along the sidewalk, you spotted her up ahead and I saw you giving her that _look_, that look that you used to give me when we were together...I realized that trying to get over you was moot because..." She hesitates for a second and chokes out the emotional confession, "I didn't _want_ to get over you." Barney swallows his emotions, pretending that her words weren't getting to him by reminding himself of the fiancé in his bed just footsteps away from them, and the wedding only 36 hours away.

"The way it felt to see you with someone else..I can't describe the feeling.." Robin wipes away a stray tear and continues, "At Punchy's wedding when you asked me to help you with Nora, I fed you the lines that I wanted to say about our relationship. I wanted you to be happy, so I gave you the real words from my heart, so you could win over someone else's." Robin wipes away more tears and looks hard and deep into Barney's alluring blue eyes, watching closely as the news settles onto his face, noticing his facial structure shift into a dawning realization of despair and worry. He tries to speak, but she interrupts, "I'm not done." Her hands twist in angst as she confesses more of her feelings she should have told him long ago.

"When you told me that you and Quinn were getting engaged, everything you said to me made total sense in my head. About running away together, it felt _so_ right. The words I spoke were my honest feelings, but I know that you were simply playing a game, so I went along. It hurt, but I...I deserved it, the way I hurt you back in November." Barney looks away and blinks to hold back a tear trying to escape, forcing himself to gaze back into Robin's tired and tearful eyes, "I didn't chose Kevin because I loved him more, I chose Kevin because I wasn't as afraid of losing him as I was of losing you." Barney swallows hard again, struggling with his emotions, nodding his head for her to continue, "I'm here, standing before you at 4:23 in the morning because it was always you who took that leap of faith for our relationship, putting it all on the line. I never believed in this relationship as much as you did, I stood and waited for you to make the move every single time. Not this time. So here I am, taking this leap of faith for us right now, laying it all on the line. Please don't do this Barney."

Barney almost feels like wrapping her in his arms and telling her that he's always felt that way about them, and that he didn't gain all that weight when he was with Nora and Quinn because she changed him for the better. He wanted to tell her that when they broke up he spent most of his nights thinking about her and drinking away that crater that she left in his heart and filling it with meaningless sex. He almost confesses everything, but decides to go a different direction,

"Why on earth did you wait this long Robin?" Barney barks, "Why on earth would you tell me right before my WEDDING DAY, these feelings that you've been keeping from me all this time?"

"Because I was scared, okay?" Robin chokes, tears streaming down her face, "I was scared. The way I hurt you… How you broke up with Nora to be with me, I couldn't let you do it again. I knew that I blew my chance to be with you and I just had to let you be happy. We were just friends now and I had to be strong, for your happiness."

"What changed your mind then? And it better be good because-"

"I realized that I can't bear to see you with anyone else other than me because when I look at you… You're the first and only person that makes me believe that love really does exist. You're the one that believed in me when I hadn't had the strength to believe in myself. I am _so_ in love with you and it makes me sick to even say that cheesy, overrated word but what we have is more than love, Its passion, friendship, and trust. I love you in every way that a person can love someone. When it's real, you'll know it within an instant. I've known it _all_ along. Don't tell me you don't feel it too." She strokes his jawline with her left hand, looking into his now unreadable eyes.

"Say something…" She whispers, closing her eyes in attempt to stop the tears that continue to fall. Barney finally speaks,

"You broke my heart too Robin. When we slept together I realized for the first time in my entire life everything seemed clear to me. That our whole relationship was something else entirely. My feelings for you became so deep that I had to go out in the alley and smash TV's to get rid of my frustration when you and Ted did that whole, "friends with benefits" crap. When you told me to pretend like we never slept together…It seemed like it was much, much harder for me than it was for you. Like you weren't affected by the event that transpired at all, and you know, it broke my heart. Nothing will ever hurt me as much as your reaction to that same experience." Robin tries to interject, but Barney ignores her attempt, "When I got in that bus accident and Marshall asked me if I saw anything right before the bus hit me, of anything I loved… I saw you, Robin, smiling at me and telling me everything was going to be okay. You were holding my hand as the light became closer and closer…I didn't go to the light, I ran to you instead. And in that moment, I knew that this was much more than friendship…It was love. For the first time, something actually made sense to me, and I wouldn't have to try so hard to be happy anymore because when I was with you, I didn't have to try at all." Barney smiled through the tears he had been holding back as Robin let her head fall onto his chest, embracing him and breathing into his ear, "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too." He breathes, clutching her tighter against his chest, forgetting for an unforgettable moment the fiancé that he was soon to marry. Little did he know, she had stood on the other side of the door, listening to their entire conversation.


End file.
